20150116_seoulbeats_exo_krisRemember the last time you opened your internet browser thinking, “Finally, time to get some honest work done?” It’s fine, neither do we. And that’s because life as a K-pop fan is demanding, what with all the scandals and couple revelations and album drops and plagiarism cases and booty shorts and bondage concepts to keep track of, it’s amazing some of us make it to school or work everyday.

As K-pop fans, we know every time we open a tab we comply to play a funny game with our lives that involves the vast chasms of internet distractions and the Pandora’s box that is idol variety TV. This a dark place where absurdity meets objective, where time evaporates at an alarming rate, and where nugus become stars.

Once upon a time, in this strange land of idol variety TV,  a variety show PD looked to a variety show writer and was like, “Hey, how do we get idols to kiss each other without realllllly kissing each other?” And the variety writer said, “Make it game, duh.” And that, children, was how kissing games were born.

Kissing games usually sink the sense of intimacy by framing the prospect, almost kissing, around an objective and creating a relay or competition type of format. The blatant fact that margin for error is so high with something as intimate as a kiss is somehow both appealing and comical to us, regardless of who’s doing it, and thus, we get sucked into the marketing gold mine that selling thinly veiled skinship to the rampant and over imaginative minds of fans. Participants usually come from one of two camps: in it to win it or squeamish. Kissing games are usually like a laugh at other people’s pain sort of deal, while you simultaneously and secretly wish you were also playing. And that’s exactly why you can’t help but stop everything and watch it.

For instance, you could be a casual Hottest and be curious about what One Day has been up to when…

Or you see the words “kissing game” and “VIXX” next to each other and you immediately need answers…

Or maybe you’re just wondering what Super Junior does in their downtime and…

Or maybe you’ve been having MBLAQ nostalgia and, remembering G.O.‘s beard, stumbled across…

Or maybe you start thinking about the recent B1A4 drama in Malaysia and…

Say maybe you’re missing Block B and their classic shenanigans and back track to find that P.O. kisses until he draws blood, which is, you know, important…

Then you remember, why do only guys play this game? Why doesn’t EVERYONE play this game?

Then you’re in too deep and now you’re complacent and you think to yourself, yeah let’s see everybody do this…

Say you’re trying to remember the naive, short lived glory days of EXO and then…

So you go back to staple variety but then…

So double back and you’re like rookies can’t be doing this whack sellout ish for fame only to remember that…

And now you don’t know where you are…

Or when we started using ice…

Or why BEG is in on this crap…

But you do know you’d watch Leo almost-kiss anything so…

And by the time you wake up from this kissing game stupor, you realize how much time has passed and now must sit in blank silence wondering what you are doing with your life when there others out there making a living playing kissing games, and you’re just like, damn.

(Youtube [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12][13][14][15], SBS, MBC, Mnet WIDE)