Dear SM Entertainment,

We need to have a little talk. I’m writing because I’m a pretty big fan of SM Entertainment and I needed to reach out and touch base with you on several things Super Junior-related. I’ll start with an admission of guilt: I was never into Super Junior, until “Sorry Sorry.” I thought they were gimmicky as a group, and their music didn’t persuade me otherwise, but then “Sorry Sorry” came along, and that was undeniably great. I love a good pop song, and even though SuJu didn’t become less embarrassing, at least they were performing a good catchy pop song with great choreography and had a whole bunch of good looking guys in suits.

And ever since “Sorry Sorry” I’ve been keeping a good eye on Super Junior, hoping they’re strike the same gold they struck with “SS.” They haven’t really, but I became a certified fan after a string of great releases: “Sorry Sorry,” “It’s You,” “Super Girl,” and even “Bonamana” ain’t too bad, because you got my baby Kyuhyun doing a dance break. Good lord, how you managed to do that…

Also, congrats for keeping Super Junior under your belt, still. I was worried about that whole 5-year boy group curse thingamabob that all your boy groups have suffered from, but it seems like Super Junior’s still got a couple of years left. I mean, if we guesstimate that you lose a member a year due to contract disputes/hit and runs/members thinking they need to go and “act,” this group has at least another 5 years left before they get down to the standard 5-member boy group formation.

Anyway, getting distracted here. I was good with you, until you released images of their fifth album comeback.

Now, about this comeback. Were there drugs involved? There were drugs involved right? Maybe LSD?

Because there’s no way this happened without drugs:

Like…is that rope around his middle? And then two jackets? I mean, I’m so glad you got the memo about the great trends we’ve got going on in the fashion world: ombre hair, colorblocking, and all that fantastic jazz, but this is just a tad too much, don’tcha think?

Or this, maybe:

Is that Eunhyuk or is that an albino monk who stole clothes from f(x)’s “Hot Summer” comeback?

Is Shindong holding a blinged out gun? While wearing one of those fluffy winter hats? I really hope he performs with the gun when they do come back, that’ll just make my day swell. On that note, I hope Eeteuk performs with two jackets on.

But! All can be forgiven, SM, if their song is amazing. And I mean amazing: the kind of amazing that is bolded, italicized, and underlined.

Got it?!

Cynical but hopeful,