Agony Aunt here. Ready to give you tough love on your Kpop woes. Let’s begin, shall we?
Dear Agony Aunt,
I want to buy new pants. I want to be a kpop star. OTTEOKKE?
First, fancy pants do not an idol make but considering the new trend I’ve noticed I may be able to help you. Kill a cow, tan the hide and wear some leather. If you are a girl I suggest you go for shorts, mostly because less leather is always good. Check out f(x)’s Krystal and T-ara.
If you’re a boy you’ll be subjected to this Taek look.
If you are a vegetarian and/or animal rights activist pleather works but I think that ship has sailed and if you wish to blight the world with leather apparel (that isn’t outerwear) you’d better be ready to deal with the consequences.
Against all reason, better judgement and advisement from all of my friends, I want to marry Super Junior’s Hee Chul. Not in a “haha, this isn’t real” sort of way but in a, “I’m reworking my life to include at least 3 years in Korea to allow my full plan to play out” sort of way. Unfortunately I’ve only saved up half the money for this three-year mission and time is running out. OTTEOKKKKKKKEEEEEEE??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?
Dear Mrs. Heechul,
Considering the off-the-charts narcissism of our lovely Hee Chul, I think he would in fact help you fund this crazy adventure. You could also go to a college, pretend you were intelligent and tell them you’re writing a dissertation on obsession and infatuation and they’ll fund it for you. But, as I’m assuming you can’t even legally drive a golf cart I’m going to say give yourself a couple years for optimal frontal lobe development and put the money you saved in a college fund.
Dear Auntie Agony,
I want to ask a girl out but I don’t know how to tell her in a way that will make it impossible for her to say “no”. I’m a simple guy so something amazing but not to elaborate!
My Dear itStartedwithaKiss,
Firstly, it’s Agony Aunt. Secondly, if she likes you it doesn’t matter how you ask. Lastly, seeing as she’s a person and not a dog, it is always possible for her to say no. BUT, there are a plethora of Kdrama scenes from which you may draw, look at Korea’s adaptation of Boys over Flowers. Lights, sakura blossoms, Lee Min Ho (this works better if you are Lee Min Ho or equivalent).
Have anything to ask Agony Aunt? Submit your question in the comment section!